Deep Stuff

The English poet John Donne was right.

No man (or woman) is an island. Our overall physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental make-up is engineered towards seeking, forming and maintaining long-term relationships with others. We are inherently social beings. Regardless of how independent, capable, or accomplished we are, we need other people. We need our friends, our family members, and we need significant others. Men need women and visa versa, because our unique differences are designed to compliment and celebrate each other, and thus create cohesiveness; a connection that is mutually comforting and rewarding.

Could we imagine our lives without those we love? Relationships are fundamental to our society. Relationships are what make us human. Despite the rewards of human interaction, particularly with the opposite sex, finding someone to love and share your life with is often the most arduous undertaking wrought with disappointment, disillusionment, and heartache.How can finding a spouse be so difficult, when each of us are craving and seeking after that?

Marriage, after all, is the most important commitment we enter into and the one worth searching after, protecting, nurturing, and sustaining. Yet with the media perpetuating wildly different ideals about love, many of us are left perplexed, even disillusioned, wondering what is love—real love? Contrary to popular belief, there is, indeed, a difference between infatuation and love. And there is a difference between lust and love. Love is grown into; it develops over time. While, Hollywood would have us believe love can be maneuvered into and out of as easily as the "drive thru" window at McDonald’s, such is not the case. It is a clear indication that our society has an unrealistic, if not diluted, view of love. There is love, and there is infatuation, and, though related, they are distinctly different. Let us examine the qualities and characteristics of love versus infatuation:

Infatuation:

*Develops rather rapidly

*Based on limited characteristics

*Based on the emotion itself

*Is self-centered

*Is multi-person centered

*Changes rapidly

*Loses touch with reality

*Largely outward or physical

*Insecure/Insecurities

*Jealous/Possessiveness

Love:

*Is grown into

*Based on the whole person

*Focuses on the person with whom you are involved

*Is other-centered

*Demonstrates a deep commitment to one person

*Is a gradual development

*Maintains balance of life and priorities

*Involved the total relationship

*Secure/Security

*Trust/Faith


That having been established let us examine two examples, both taken from movies, of different relationships between men and women. Thusly, we shall determine which of two are based on sincere, genuine love as opposed to mere infatuation.

First, there is the recent blockbuster The Notebook. The two love interests are often seen together in the troughs of steamy passion—they simply cannot get enough each other, so they are constantly "all over each other." They certainly loved the idea of each other, but that does not equate to real love.

On the other hand, there is the example illustrated by the original version of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice produced by the British Broadcasting Company (or the BBC). Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy do eventually fall in love and get married in the end, but they did not immediately warm up to each other. It took years before they transformed their relationship from that of mere acquaintances to a good, healthy friendship that then developed from mutual respect to a deeply felt love that inspired them to commit to each other; to share their lives together and thus get married.

Undoubtedly passion and romance are important in marriage, but mutual respect, a genuine desire to serve each other and support each other, and a willingness to work at the relationship— together is vital to the longevity and sustainability of a marriage, as well. Intimacy is often misconstrued as being synonymous with sexual interactions, while, in reality, intimacy involves a closeness between two people; a profound sense of connection that involves a mental, emotional, and spiritual investment, in addition to physical attraction.

With that, for those of you who want the fairy tale, keep in mind a fairy tale is just that. It is not reality. This is not to say that marriage cannot be a truly blissful, beautiful experience. Much to the contrary!

Marriage is richly blesses and enhances our lives, as do all of our closely knitted relationships. Yet, marriage, because of its sacred nature, ought to be entered into lightly nor hastily. It takes time. It takes work. A relationship requires a long-term commitment, and a daily, constant effort demonstrated by both persons involved. Marriage is no exception. Marriage is single-handedly, the most important life decision we make, and thus it is worth investing time into finding someone who is not only compatible, but someone with whom a mutual respect, a deep sense of care and concern, and similar values are shared. Such are vital ingredients to any relationship, especially marriage, and such feelings develop over time. In sum, relationship is an investment of time, as well as love, which, in turn, continues to grow and deepen over time. Is it not amazing that the better we get to know someone, the more we care for them and the more we love them? They even become more attractive, on all levels, because of the quality time we put forth into our relationship with that person. As you search for love and happiness, keep in mind that everything worthwhile requires time and effort. And if love is greatest of gifts (which it is) then, be not afraid of investing your time, energy, talents, and all that comprises the person who are into finding that person with whom you want to share your life.


via buzzle.com